Theo came to the university counseling center after being told
by his girlfriend that if he did not seek help, she would end
their three year relationship.
//back to top
Theo is a 22-year-old, tall, African American, male. He is
currently in his final year of college at a large university
with a major in Math and Computer Science with plans to
entering the military after graduation. He was appropriately
dressed and had a cooperative attitude. Although he
presented himself with a very calm and even-tempered mood,
Theo indicated that he felt as if he “was going to explode.”
At times he seemed noticeably uncomfortable, but he kept
good eye contact throughout the session. As the session
progressed, he seemed increasingly more comfortable and
relaxed.
//back to top
Although encouraged to seek help from his girlfriend,
Theo seemed open to discussing several concerns he wanted to
address in counseling. The most pressing was to better
understand his problems controlling his anger and how it was
related to various feelings and behaviors. Most recently,
Theo became angry with Tamia after she failed to return his
phone call and stayed out “partying” all night. He indicated
that Tamia claimed she had told him of her plans and that
his anger felt controlling and threatening. Theo also
expressed concern about his inability to control his anger
when dealing with his family and professional relationships.
Theo first noticed his problems with anger when dealing with
a middle school teacher who falsely accused him of cheating
on a test. He remembers this being the first time he felt
what he described as “the rage.” During such instances, he
described feeling “helpless” and reported it being the only
way to communicate his frustrations. In high school, he also
frequently felt angry toward girls. Theo noted he initially
thought they wanted to be friends but later realized they
were “all using him” to get rides or gifts and were “not
interested” in being friends or having a romantic
relationship.
Theo also noted having some difficulty being understood and
making friends, at one point comparing himself to “The
Incredible Hulk” because he was feeling as if he was “losing
control.” He also reported that “people just don’t get him.”
He reported few “real friends” in high school and only a few
since starting college. He reports feeling increasingly
misunderstood, ignored, and isolated. He stated, “I wish
people would really tried to get to know me.” He discussed
that as a tall, Black man, he has also frequently perceived
that others find him intimidating and imposing.
Since beginning college Theo has tried to be more sociable,
but he expressed feeling anxious towards other people and
believes he cannot trust them. These problems of anxiety and
trust have surfaced both with other college students and
professors. Theo reported that he often has troubling dreams
of being at parties where people who he does not know ignore
and walk away from him when he attempts to be sociable.
After discussing these issues and becoming more comfortable
in the session, Theo disclosed that his girlfriend is also
unhappy with his viewing pornography on the Internet. When
his girlfriend learned that he had been engaging in this,
she told him that if she caught him doing it again, she
would break off the relationship. He was reluctant to
discuss the details of this behavior, but did indicate that
it began after receiving an ex-rated “pop-up ad.” Recently,
it has progressed to the point that he sometimes spends
several hours a day viewing pornographic material on the
Internet. He noted his frustrations with his lack of
intimacy with his girlfriend and control issues as possible
sources leading to these behaviors.
Theo was raised in a rural Texas town and is the middle
child of three boys. At age ten, his parents divorced and
his mother relocated Theo and his siblings to a larger
metropolitan area. After residing in this area for two
years, his parents reconciled and remarried. Theo reported
that he did not want his parents to remarry and still
believes they should not be together because of the regular
arguments about financial issues. He also cited the degree
to which Theo’s father travels as a sales representative as
a source of stress in their relationship. In commenting on
his parents’ relationship, he noted “his parents did lots of
yelling and throwing objects at one another.” He noted that
his older brother was frequently the one to take care of him
and his younger brother and to try to maintain peace in the
house.
Theo described growing up in a lower class background as a
child and progressing towards middle class standing when his
parents remarried and moved into their first house. Both
parents completed college at historical Black colleges.
Although supportive of Theo going to college, they would
have preferred that he went to a historical Black college,
especially because most of Theo’s primary and secondary
school education took place in primarily white schools. Theo
said that even though he chose to go to a different college,
he still identifies with his background and being
African-American. He chose to attend a predominantly White
college because he did not want to follow in his parents’
footsteps, getting away from them and what they represented,
namely, “a lot of fighting and yelling.”
Theo maintains monthly contact with his brothers who decided
not to attend college. Instead, both joined the military
after high school. One brother currently resides in Japan
while the other lives in Germany. He describes his
relationship with his brothers being similar to the “three
musketeers” and said that no matter what, “nothing could
tear us apart.” Although Theo indicated that he loves his
parents, he also stated that he does not have much respect
for them returning to a marriage that “wasn’t good in the
first place.” Theo did not comment on his personal
relationship with his father, however, indicated that most
of his memories about his father have not been positive.
//back to top
Theo has been seeing Tamia for three years. They met at
the campus multicultural center and first noticed her at a
church they both attended. He said he was initially drawn to
her because she seemed to be equally invested in the same
types of campus and national issues as himself. He expressed
frustration however that they had not been sexually intimate
for the majority of their relationship. After dating for
about two years, he indicated that they were intimate on one
occasion, the first sexual experience for both of them.
Afterwards, Tamia talked with Theo about her feelings of
extreme guilt, sadness, disappointment, and regret due to
fears of becoming pregnant and how premarital sex was
prohibited due to her religious (African Methodist
Episcopal) values. He feels conflicted about premarital sex
because he feels ready to become sexually active on a
regular basis; although he also believes that premarital sex
is a sin. Theo also seems to resent that she was the one to
make the final decision on the issue and felt he was not
heard and his feelings were not considered
Theo reported that he has tried to find ways to reduce
his anger and attempted to be more sociable by working out
on a more regular basis. He often plays sports, but he
reports that this has provided him little relief. He admits
to being at a loss for how to cope with his feelings of
anger, particularly when he feels “the rage.” Theo denied
drinking frequently as it makes him “lose control” and get
into fights.
Theo’s career goal is to join the military after
graduation and hopefully join his brothers at one of the
locations at which they are stationed. He said he has
thought about asking Tamia to marry him, but is concerned
that he is not ready given the problems they are currently
having. Theo expressed concern about the ways in which his
inability to control his anger effectively could influence
both his relationship with Tamia and his career goals in the
military.
//back to top
|
|
