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What's the deal with stay-at-home fathers and why is this an important topic?
I've been pleasantly surprised with the amount of interest this topic has recently generated. This attention has hopefully helped shape more realistic and positive portrayals of these men and their families. Below are anwers to some of the more common questions I've been asked.
How many stay-at-home fathers are there in the United States? Data from the 2007 Census suggests there are 165,000 stay-at-home fathers in the United States. Most likely, this is a gross underestimate of the number of men in these roles. Among other restrictions, the census data excludes guys who have worked in the past few years, are currently employed, or considering returning to work. Yet what the census data does accurately reflect is the growing number of SAHFs. For example, in 2003, there were an estimated 98,000 SAHFs. This reflects a 64% increase in just 4 years. There are also different ways of looking at the data provided by the census. A 2008 census-sponsored press release suggests there are 11.3 million children (under the age of 5) whose mothers are employed on a full-time basis. Twenty-five percent of these kids (2.8 million children) were cared for by their fathers. Having looked at these numbers in different ways, I would realistically estimate about 2 million men who would consider themselves SAHFs. To review a further commentary on the numbers of SAHFs, check out rebeldad.com (see statistics) for a thorough and thoughtful analysis. What is the ratio of stay-at-home mothers to stay-at-home fathers? Approximately 50 to 1. Why are we seeing an increase in SAHFs? At the top of this list is women's increased presence in the workforce and an increase in married couples where wives are outearning their male partners. For example, 2007 census data suggests that 26% of married women make more money than their husbands. It's not yet 50/50, but we have come a long way. Relatedly, more women see their careers as really important and closely connected to their identities, a link that has traditionally been strongest among men. Also, survey data suggests that more men want to play a bigger role (e.g., spend more time) in the upbringing of their children. Yet there are other factors likely influencing this trend. This increase may reflect people thinking about men's and women's roles in more egalitarian and flexible (i.e., less rigid) terms. For families who want one parent to stay at home, more may be making the decision based not on the sex of the parent, but other factors (timing, career transition, financial considerations, etc.). Finally, while there stigma stil out there, it seems to be on the decline. With less stigma and more resources and support for SAHFs it makes it easier for men to transition into the role. I expect the increase in the number of SAHFs to continue.
From dadlabs.com, Austin TX What are some of the more common reasons for why guys choose to become a SAHF? We have found a number of common reasons underlying this decision. Most often, it's a combination of factors including: 1) Financial (makes more sense for families to have one parent stay at home) 2) Value of wanting to be at home with one's childdren 3) Attitudes (sometimes neutral to negative) toward other child-care options 4) Job Transitions 5) New challenge or stage of life 6) The choice of the "most skilled" or ready parent 7) Chance - Sometimes it just kind of "happens" We are currently analyzing data to look at how these various reasons predict adjustment to the role. Is there still stigma out there and is this a controversial topic? Yes. There does still seem to be stigma out there toward SAHFs and more generally men and women in non-traditional career and family roles. I think there is less stigma now than five years ago and far less than 15-20 years ago. And as more men continue to enter these roles and their presence and visibility in more communities increases, the decline in stigma will continue. However, people's perceptions of what men and women "should do" are not easy to change. Also, we have heard reports that the extent of stgma varies based on a number of factors including geography, different work environments, and cultural considerations. In terms of whether this is a controversial topic, most people agree that men's increased involvement in their children's lives is a good thing. And SAHFs are the most clear example of men stepping up to the plate in child and homecare responsibilites. Yet, I am reminded that no all people feel this way. Recently, I came across this video of Reverend John Hagee. Rev. Hagee is Pastor of the Cornerstone Church in San Antonio. Rev. Hagee has 18,000 followers in his congregation and an enormous online, TV, and radio following. In my research and professional presentations, I try to make clear my own positive attitudes toward these men and their roles. How do these guys feel about the "Mr. Mom" label? Rightfully so, they don't like it. They see themselves not as doing "Mom's" job, but Dads job. The Mr. Mom movie, now 25 years old, also reinforces the idea of a stay-at-home father as unprepared and incompetent. Both characteristics are not representative of modern day stay-at-home fathers. Rev Hagee suggests these guys "call themselves Mr. Mom." I've found that to be the farthest thing from the truth - and the last thing they want to be called. Do these guys feel that being a SAHF challenges their masculinity? One of the big picture points of why this is an important trend is I see these men helping to re-define and shape models of masculinity or how we think about masculinity and fatherhood. I don't think this is necessarily something these men think about nor is this a reason why men consider becoming a SAHF. But I do think this is happening. For example, I do believe these men are helping shift the idea of men as provider from "financial provider/breadwinner" to doing what's needed for the family. In terms of this particular question, I've asked this in many different ways. Most men report no real "threats" to their masculinity. These men generally feel quite comfortable with their roles and choices and not particularly impacted by other views of what men or women should be doing. A friend of mine, who is also a SAHF, said in one interview, "I never thought of the idea of sitting in a cubicle all day staring at a computer as very masculine anyway!" With that said - I have found that how men react to the stigma that may still be out there as important. The men that seem impacted or influenced by others negative or neutral attitudes may still be hold on to some of their own ideas of what men and women should be doing. This could then result in them feeling their masculinity is "challenged." But the overwhelming majority of these men are not impacted by stigma, love what they are doing, are proud of being a father. They often consider it their hardest and most rewarding roles in their lives. Based on some of your research, what are the suggestions you can offer to men considering the role of being a stay-at-home father? I would recommend making sure you are doing it for the right reasons. These right reasons are going to be different for different families, but it is important to figure it out ahead of time. Men I've talked to often describe being "comfortable in your own skin" as being a key suggestion. I'd also recommend having frequent talks with your partner and family about the decision and how to handle the roles and responsibilities. Our research has also suggested that having a good support system in place, preferably one that includes other stay-at-home fathers is critical. There are an impressive amount of online forums and community based resources for stay-at-home fathers including local playgroups. We have also found that men who are confident in the their day-to-day parenting skills and feel "prepared for the job" are adjusting better to the role. What is the bigger picture here? Why is this an important topic? From my viewpoint, the increase in stay at home fathers and their overall positive adjustment to this role has a significance that needs to be emphasized. First, for arguably the first time, we are seeing a significant proportion of children in this country raised by their fathers. Second, these men represent the most clear example of active and involved fathering. Seeing more of these men in these roles has the potential to influence (in a positive direction) other men's attitudes and behaviors toward fathering. This is paritcularly important given the considerable research linking active fathering to positive outcomes in children and families. Third, these men are helping to shift conceptualizations of what parenting is all about, including expanding on outdated notions of men's and women's roles These men are helping to shift the idea of male as financial provider (i.e., breadwinner) to providing for the family. Finally, these men are demonstrating that considerable shifts in one's identity, roles and responsibilities can be a good thing for their own well-being and commitment to their families. What's your favorite video of a SAHF? O.K. I made that question up. But hand-down, it's this video by John Lajoie:
A close second is this more serious video of Dallas Hayes, a part of the Evolution of Dad documentary project directed by Dana Glazer. Is there an Annual Convention for SAHFs? Yes, I was fortunate enough to present some of my research at the last convention in Kansas City in 2007. The wesite's convention's can be reviewed here. This year the convention is in Omaha, Nebraska October 10th, 2009!!!
At home Dads Convention Attendees, Kansas City, 2007
Image created by Web Bryant, USA Today
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 Aaron Rochlen, Ph.D. Copyright © 2009. All Rights Reserved. |
